A normal fall weekend featuring Ariana Grande

On Friday afternoon The Three Pinks and I fled the suburbs as soon as school was out and headed to Palo Alto. On the way down we stopped at Coffee Bean and Pizza My Heart, two of the kids' favorite eateries. Our next stop was a Halloween party at one of the large Silicon Valley tech companies. The entertainment was Ariana Grande, a 21-year-old singer / songwriter / actress who is moving her way up the charts right now after feature roles on two Nickelodeon TV shows.

She played a 40-minute set and was super sweet with the fans. The Pinks managed to get pretty close to the stage while I hung back, seated on the lawn. I downloaded her most recent music the week prior and while I liked her vibe to begin with, seeing her on stage made me really like her. The Pinks had a blast. The party was well done with a carnival theme. We also oohed and aahed over the little kids dressed up for Halloween.

This was The Pinks first time on a large Silly Valley tech campus and Eldest Daughter noted that with all of its open space, modern buildings, bike parking, walkways, gym and restaurants, it looked like a college campus. Valid point.

After the performance Ariana and her entourage high tailed it to the airport as they also played the Hollywood Bowl that night. We headed for Sprinkles at the Stanford Shopping Center and then to a late dinner at Max's.

On Saturday morning the big bags under my eyes and I went to Marin to celebrate the Bar Mitzvah of a childhood friend's son. What struck me most, aside from all the generations of love in the room, was how comfortable he was up on the bimah. I wish I could have stayed for the evening celebration but with Thing 1's first dance performance of the year in the afternoon, it wasn't to be. The cantor at their temple is spectacular, too, and I caught up with a few people I hadn't seen in many years. My parents and I went together and it was a treat to hear about their recent trip through the Southwest during the car ride, just the three of us.

Thing 1's dance performance went well, in spite of a last minute venue change caused by not-expected-but-much-welcomed rain. This is my favorite performance of the year because the team routines are unveiled. Being the data nerd that I am, I love watching them and then guessing which ones will place high during the year's competitions, which kick off in January.

September 6, 2014

This was Thing 1 and Thing 2's big day, the day they celebrated their entry into Jewish adulthood. We did the service at our house, in our backyard looking out at the golden foothills of Mt. Diablo.

On Friday came the deliveries: the 225 chairs, the risers, the chafing dishes, the sweets. It was surprisingly easy to fit all of those chairs in our yard. We'd planned to seat overflow in the family room, looking out to the yard, and also in our upstairs bedroom, overlooking the yard. The upstairs seating didn't end up being necessary but a few people did sit inside, presumably to get of of the direct sun. Fifty people were easily seated under the shade of the pavilion.

A few weeks earlier we'd had 200 people in the yard for a BBQ for local incoming San Diego State freshmen so we knew the space would work out fine. The weather, I wasn't so sure of until a few days prior when we saw that the forecast was for sunny skies and warm temps but not super hot temps. We were prepared for the sun with bottled water and sunscreen available to people as they entered and throughout the service. If it were a few degrees warmer, out would have come the soccer canopies!

I loved having this simcha at home and would recommend it. I created custom siddurs (prayer books) online then printed them out. This gave us the flexibility to include the songs and readings that were meaningful to us. The service was on the shorter side, perhaps 75 or 90 minutes, which was comfortable. We were able to video tape the service because it wasn't in a synagogue. Two guitars played by one rabbi and one rabbi's son provided beautiful music. Rabbi Rick encouraged people to get up and move around if they needed to get out of the sun or get water. That's another thing you can't easily do if you're in a synagogue.

The women in our family all wore white, which is traditional on shabbat. Shabbat is referred to as the Sabbath Bride.

My parents got Things 1 and 2 each a tallis, which they picked out on a shopping trip with my mom. You can see these prayer shawls in the pictures. Only Jewish adults can wear them.

Thing 1's d'var Torah (speech) was very funny because her section of the Torah portion included the laws around prostitution, which she didn't want to talk about. Nor did she want to talk about the conditions under which a man whose twig or berries are injured can enter a house of worship.  In case you're wondering, the answer is never. In the end and after some awkward moments and terse discussion, she decided to talk about the necessity of rules and how her portion was about things that, if made into a movie, she would not even be old enough to see it.

Thing 2's d'var Torah was about rules, too, and she let everyone know how ironic it was that her portion was about rules since she isn't very good at following them. The picture below at right is of Thing 2 reading from the Torah itself.

At the end of the service Eldest Daughter surprised her sisters with a pelting of wrapped candies thrown by the handful from the fists of guests with pent up energy from sitting still through the service. Thing 1 screamed and crawled under the bimah to get out of the line of fire. Then the little kids hopped up and gathered up all the candy to eat, pinata-style. The candy represents the sweetness of the occasion.

Rabbi Rick does the hamotzi in a way that everyone connects to each other -- physically. A few people hold the 4 foot long challah and then everyone touches a part of another person until everyone is attached. Then he leads the blessing and the challah gets ripped apart from every angle. Some families cut the challah into nice neat slices. We are a family of rippers and tearers. (In my opinion, the only reason to slice challah is if you are making French Challah for breakfast.) This particular challah had sprinkles on it, something that Dave feels strongly about. The blessing over the wine used wine we saved from Eldest Daughter's Bat Mitzvah four years earlier. Those of you who attended her Bat Mitzvah might remember that we used wine from our wedding for that.

A few of Thing 1's dance teammates are Jewish and it was neat to see them explaining the traditions to those not in the know. One of Thing 2's secular friends sat right up front so she could catch every last word. One Jewish adult friend, who should have known better, chatted with the person next to him throughout the service. Another napped. People brought young children who were not invited. The young children squirmed, as was age-appropriate. All but one of the great aunts and uncles came. My mom's siblings were in town for a full week so we were fortunate enough to spend additional time with them.

Immediately following the service we had a kiddush, which is light snacks. We served some of our favorite foods, including bagels, lox and cream cheese, strawberries, watermelon, chicken salad sandwiches, Claire's lemon cupcakes, my mother's three-layer brownies and my mother-in-law's fudge, almost none of which we got to eat because we were socializing and just being proud. People hung out for about an hour, the tween set popping picture after picture of themselves all dolled up.

At one point the little kids hopped in the neighbor's golf cart and attempted to drive down the street. Fortunately the rabbi's son, who is 16 and licensed, clued into this joy-ride-to-be and gave the littles a short ride to placate them.

Here's one especially good picture of the tweens.  Look how gorgeous this group is! That morning I'd asked Thing 2 to put on shoes. Apparently she went into my closet and took a pair of mine that matched her dress. I'm loving that we wear the same size shoes these days. One clever mom popped a similar picture and then turned it into a card prior to the party. Best card ever!

A week post B'Not Mitzvah

It's Friday at noon and I'm still in my pajamas. I've been on conference calls since 8am with the exception of a quick run to school to retrieve a sick child. I think she's still exhausted from last weekend and so I'm having her write one thank you note an hour so the day is not a complete boondoggle. BTW, this child has the worst penmanship ever. I just hope the thank you notes actually reach their destinations. Incidentally, she wants you to know that the best gift she got was a potato gun. Yes, really, a toy gun that shoots potato pellets. It's occupied her for hours and irritates her sisters. I love that one of her friends knows her so well.

So the B'Not Mitzvah was over in about 30 seconds. Or so it seemed. Four years of Hebrew and Religious School, six months of intense prep and three days elapsed in what seemed like the blink of an eye. The pictures in this post show some of the things I'm doing - laundering tablecloths, deciding what to do with the few orchid centerpieces that remain, returning things that arrived too late to use. These fish ring pops are adorable. So were the Jack Rogers shoes that arrived today!

We are the proud owners of 20 round and rectangular tablecloths in assorted bright colors if you'd like to borrow them. Ditto 30 8' long grass table skirts and about a hundred plastic pineapple and coconut cups. Luaus R Us.

The Rabbi Cousin was able to help us achieve the exact service we envisioned. Personal. With lots of music. Set against the golden grasses covering the Mt. Diablo State Park foothills. Sunny. Less formal than a synagogue setting. Happy and funny. I would highly recommend this approach for unaffiliated MOTs.* We borrowed a Torah from the San Francisco Jewish Community Center's lending library. It was pretty interesting (and nerve-wracking!) to have such a sacred religious object here for a week and we took the opportunity to take a very close look at it, too.

There are some pictures that people posted on Facebook and I will provide more details when I get better pictures back. I made a point to put away my iPhone last weekend and leave the photography to the people with real cameras.

One of the things that won't appear in the photos is the laughter I heard when people were watching the slide show. I liked seeing which pictures got a reaction.

Dave and I are so proud of our gemelli. They did a beautiful job and remained themselves all weekend long.

*MOTs = members of the tribe

T minus two weeks

Two weeks from today the B'Not Mitzvah will be behind us. Right about now we'll be sitting on our family room sofa, exhausted and proud.

I spent part of today running errands. I hate running errands so it seemed appropriate to do on the saddest day of summer, the day before school begins. I ordered mini bagels from Noah's and coffee cake from Millie's. My father helped me cut some bamboo I need for a project. I also picked up some prints from my parents house. My father is a whiz with Photoshop.

A few people have texted and emailed me with questions about the B'Not Mitzvah and so I'm going to take this opportunity to answer them in a public forum in case others have the same questions.

1. We just come to the party, right? It's like a Mormon wedding? No. You have been invited to the service and the evening celebration. The 90-minute morning service is the main event. Some people will come to the service and not the party. They have been kind enough to note that on their RSVP. Very few will just come to the party as the service is the important part.

2. Can I bring a date / my very young child / my college roommate and her husband, who are visiting for the weekend? No. Trust us on this one. Your date, very young child and house guests will be bored silly because they do not know the celebrants. We gave a lot of thought to the guest list and if your name appeared on the big green envelope that showed up in your mailbox then you are special to us and we hope you will be able to come.

3. You have invited our whole family. Josh has a soccer game and Kevin coaches the team. Can the rest of us still come? Of course. We understand that people have other commitments and that choices have to be made. We hope you will come without them.

4. You haven't invited our whole family. Can the rest of us come? Refer to question #2.

5. Do you mind me asking who else on the lacrosse / dance / soccer team was invited so we can carpool? Not at all. Call or text me.

6. What do we wear? A dress or nice pants are appropriate for the service. It's the same kind of clothing you would wear to church. I would avoid spiked heels for the service as you may be seated on the lawn. I'd also apply sunscreen in case you sit in the sun. Luau wear is appropriate for the party. Eldest Daughter is wearing a dress she bought in London. Thing 2 is wearing an equally fabulous dress, one that's fairly casual.

7. Where do we park? There are signs on your street that say No Parking. Ignore them and park on the street. I doubt the neighbors will complain because most of them will be there with us. And if they do, they'll complain to the HOA Board. You have one guess who's president of it this year.

8. Can I help? Yes, I'd love help. Please call or text me.

9. Are you guys all ready for this? No. Refer to question 8.

10. Will there be drinking at the luau? Yes, adults will have the opportunity to have adult beverages at the luau. There are separate bars for kids and adults. We are not planning to serve your child alcohol. However, we're not going to be watching Johnny Jr. to see if he is picking up wine glasses that adults have set down and finishing them off.

11. What time should we get there? What time will the service end? The service will start promptly at 10:30am. What time you arrive depends on how far away you want to park and if you want seats in the nosebleed section. There will be a Kiddush lunch after the service. It's not a lunch, though, it's a light snack. If you are dropping off or carpooling, 12:45pm is a safe time to pick up.

12. Can we post pictures to Instagram or Facebook? Yes. Please help us out by tagging them #twopinksbigday. We would love to see the pictures you shot this day. Thank you.

In other news, Rabbi Rick was over a few week ago and we finalized many of the details. It was a very sweet evening. One of his sons, who is Eldest Daughter's age, brought his guitar and played all the melodies we have our choice of for the prayers and songs. The cantor that the Rabbi, Dave and I grew up with created many beautiful melodies and we will incorporate many of those in the service.

I've been recipe testing, something I didn't give much thought to until we started publishing cookbooks. You can look forward to some good food; this is a Jewish event after all. I made this incredible pesto tonight from basil I picked in my mom's garden six hours earlier. Keep that basil coming, mom!

We are excited to have friends and family coming from near and far to celebrate with us. It's going to be a crazy weekend in the happiest of ways. Dave and I have a tendency to be inclusive so over the years many of our friends have become friends. It's going to be a friendly crowd.

It's also a good thing that we have Labor Day weekend between now and then. Some people, who shall remain nameless, still have a few prayers to polish ...

Breaking up is hard to do.

The youngest Pinks' B'Not Mitzvah is in September. A B'Not Mitzvah is a Bat Mitzvah for two young women.

We've recently parted ways with our temple, the only one Dave and I have ever belonged to together, the only one our children have ever affiliated with. This saddens me but it's like many other breakups where one person changes and it's no longer a fit for the remaining person. In this case, our temple of 12 years got a new rabbi and we dislike his leadership style. It's not a decision we took lightly.

However, this departure provides us with an opportunity to have this B'Not Mitzvah in a highly personal way, one that really suits our family.

We'll do the service in our backyard, looking out to the hills. (Consider the trek across the grass, friends, when you choose your shoes. Save your Prada for the party.) We're really excited and have engaged another rabbi, someone we have known since childhood and just adore, to work with the Pinks and officiate. It will be musical and enable us to celebrate this milestone in a way that is meaningful to us.

It is hugely different planning a multi-day event with six months' notice than it is with two years' notice. Some things are easier. For example, the DJ was a no brainer. Some things are harder. Our first choice caterer and photographer are both committed to weddings that day. Fortunately there are no shortage of opinions in our clan, many based on our experience four years ago with Eldest Daughter. I have engaged the fabulous Jenna, who will help us with all of the bits and pieces and is my reality check and sounding board, especially the day of the service and party. This will free me up to enjoy all of you!

Click here to refresh yourself on Mitzvah FAQ.

The picture above was taken when Thing 1, Thing 2 and I went shopping for dresses to wear during the ceremony. Thing 2 hates shopping and wanted the second dress she tried on, a huge victory in my book!

Stay tuned.

Cousin Love - LA Style

Although it was improbable given the physical miles between us, I grew up very close to my first cousins on my father's side of the family. Jennifer Klevatt Bentley is four years my senior and has a wicked sense of humor likely gained from years of being pushed around by her opinionated, strong-willed siblings. Jodi Klevatt Gladstone and I share a love of sewing. David Klevatt was in law school in Chicago while I was doing my undergrad in Madison, thus he become my safety net when drama arose.

I looked up to my cousins, much the way The Pinks look up to their Calabasas cousins.

The summer of my 16th year was when my cousins dressed me up for my first New York City bar hopping experience. During Thanksgiving of my 20th year two friends and I stayed in Jen's apartment (she left town and also left behind the car and keys) and shot the 1986 equivalent of Selfies all around Chicago. There may have been some wine coolers involved in that; why else would we pose on the outside viewing deck of the then-Sears Tower on a day too foggy to see anything?!

David and I visited the bears at Denali together, took a dunk at Chena Hot Springs and cruised around Prince William Sound in a Zodiak . He also cooked for me -- I had dreams about his linguine with clam sauce for years. He also took me to some Italian restaurant in Chicago and did a standing back flip right there in the dining room, for a reason that must have been a dare.

Jodi took me to the beach at Narragansett and also made me the Great Expectations quilt when I was pregnant with Liberty and Victoria.

Fast forward 20 years. Jodi practices law in Providence. David practices law in Chicago. And Jen is enjoying some time at home with her two sweet sons in LA after many grueling years in the the entertainment industry.

We met up with the whole entourage last weekend to celebrate the Bar Mitzvah of Jen's eldest son, Kevin The years disappeared and the next generation of cousins picked up where our generation left off. The next generation is pictured at right, ages 11 to 17.

The last time this same group was together was at Jen's wedding, 15 years ago. At that time Jodi's youngest, Caleb, was two and very attached to his lovey, a cartoon character doll named Ben. Ben was intentionally excluded from the formal family picture and in that picture Caleb is wailing hysterically in response. Today Caleb is a high school senior. Dave brilliantly found and procured a Ben doll so we could recreate this photo, to the merriment of all involved.

Liberty and Jen's youngest, Jacob, also age 11, bonded over their shared diminutive stature. Look closely at the picture below; they could easily be mistaken as twins. For Paris the highlight of the weekend was realizing that her towering height of 5'2" made her (much!) taller than all the other women in our clan. In heels she was positively Amazonian. Sadly, it also meant her feet were larger than Jen's. Jen's shoe collection rivals my own.

The Pinks and I drove halfway down Thursday night. We spent the night at the Harris Ranch Inn, which Liberty aptly summed up by saying, "If cows had sensitive noses they'd be barfing right now." The property has gorgeous, manicured, flowering grounds, which are complete waste because the stench coming off of the surrounding cattle grazing land, is vile. (Sidebar: How come no one mentions the cow smell on The Pioneer Woman's Oklahoma Cattle Ranch?!)

Friday morning, after a call to the schools declaring that The Pinks were sick with Spring  fever, we met the cousins for an attack on Magic Mountain. There we broke into two groups: thrill seekers and non-thrill-seekers. Once again I held my own on the roller coasters.

After a quick dip in the hotel pool we joined up with the rest of the extended family for Friday night dinner. The Bar Mitzvah boy did a beautiful job Saturday morning and his interpretation of his portion brought us all to tears. After the service we ate and danced and ate more, as is traditional. My aunt and uncle, who I have been close to since we all lived in San Francisco during my post-college years, were in their element surrounded by their mischpucha. And then we went back to Jen's house and ate more. The kids, led by the 26-year-old bassoonist who just married Jodi's eldest, Alexa, launched an aggressive Nerf gun war. And of course we ate more Sunday morning before hitting the road.

Shalom uvracha Rabbi Rick

I went to services at the synagogue last night. There are services every Friday night but I rarely go; I'd rather tuck our kids into bed then climb into our bed with my book and unwind from a busy week.

Last night was different: it was Rabbi Rick Winer's last Friday night service on our bimah. There were more people there than I've ever before seen at the temple at one time and this includes Yom Kippur, when even the barely Jewish Jews show up. Joining him was the contemporary Jewish singer / songwriter Julie Silver. Wow. It was a beautiful, moving, musical service complete with drumming by a professional musician member of our congregation, Kelly Fasman. In all the hours I've spent at services, I've never heard a drum beat. It was not at all out of place.

Rabbis Laura and Rick are moving to Fresno, in California's Central Valley, where he will lead a congregation there. Laura has a rabbinical job within the Union of Reform Judaism that she can do from anywhere. Last night brought lots of tears and lots of laughs. I was sad more than anything else and had to keep reminding myself to breathe. He has been a wonderful rabbi for our young family. We will miss him.

I'm scared now. I fear that the temple, without Rabbi Rick, will no longer feel like home to our family. I'm fear that the melodies of my childhood, which this rabbi has brought into the Three Pinks lives, will be forgotten.

I don't want to be a wandering Jew.

Z's Bat Mitzvah

As I mentioned a few weeks back, Paris' sleep-away-camp friend became Bat Mitzvah. The big to do took place at Temple Isaiah, the Lafayette synagogue of my childhood, which barely resembles the synagogue I remember of the 1970s.

This was a B'nai Mitzvah - two Bat Mitzvah's at one time. The sanctuary is large and it was perhaps 90% filled, testament to the strength of these girls' community.

I'd never been to a B'nai Mitzvah before and did not realize that one set of family and friends generally sits to one side and the other set sits to the other. Oops. Ditto for the luncheon afterwards. It's a good thing that we're friendly folks. We stopped at Border's on the way to the service and our purchases kept The Youngest Pinks from squirming too much in their seats. Paris sat with her friends, not surprisingly, while we sat next to a group of middle schoolers, friends of the other B'nai Mitzvah. The boy next to me, looking uncomfortable in his pressed khakis, starched oxford shirt and stiff shoes, asked a lot of questions. "Can I go to the bathroom in the middle of the service? Do you know where the bathroom is? We really can't text in here?"

Z looked like a little girl that morning -- flats, minimal makeup, a floral dress. This was in huge contrast to how she looked that evening -- absolutely sunning with big makeup and hair and wearing a gorgeous, backless pink and black dress. I really like Z; she doesn't much filter and is fun and funny. Last summer I took her and Eldest Daughter into the city for the SF Pride Parade. The picture here is of Z and her mom.

The luncheon wrapped about 1p to give the decorator and caterer time to prep for the evening celebration, held in the synagogue's social hall. My Bat Mitzvah and luncheon were in that very same location in that very same month 31 years prior. I remember the pale yellow and green tablecloths. This evening everything was hot pink, black and white.

Z's family is very close and Z is very clear that her 15-year-old brother is her bestie. The very first picture is of the two of them. A has Asperger's and their inner circle includes other families with children on the spectrum. It was such a blast seeing the stereotypical young teens, the non-stereotypical young teens and the extended family and friends celebrating Z's simcha by getting down on the dance floor, laughing, eating and drinking. There was no us and them this evening, and likely for any other event for this group. I'm in the green screen adult group photo wearing a classic Armani little black dress and my current favorite Jim Thompson silk scarf.

The food was tasty and abundant of course: Mexican and an ice cream bar for the kids and salad, steak, roasted potatoes, Mediterranean veggies and chocolate cake for the adults. No one went home hungry.

Dave was out of town at a golf tournament so it was just me and The Pinks. Liberty, who is nine, wore a fair bit of makeup. Tori went to town on the dance floor. One of the party motivators

was Ben, who we know because he used to date our friend Melissa. He told me that he loves dancing with Tori because she has so much energy and he was excited when he realized we were there. You can see from this picture how much she enjoyed herself.

As time goes by I enjoy these more and more, regardless of how many people I know there. I find happiness in the ritual and in the celebration itself. And of course it's an honor to be included.

Moving Parts

I've not blogged much lately. We've been too busy living.

Here are some highlights:

Peter Kuper visited from Boston.
Since his wedding in Newport three summers ago, Peter has been busy overachieving in the child acquisition department. He and Sarah added one to the one he already had and their second will be born this summer. They also adopted a child in need. It's a wonderful story and I'd share it except that my keyboard will stop working with the amount of tears that fall every time I think about it. The only downside to Peter's much expanded family is that they will not be coming with us to Italy this summer. And that's a bummer because his oldest daughter is the same age as our gemelli and they have a blast together.

Kathy Lunetta visited from Boston.
Mark did the marathon then they were here for the week. I had dinner with them in the city. Note: even if you show up at Slanted Door right when it opens you have a snowball's chance in Siberia of getting a table. And I was dressed very well that night!

The Klevatts visited from Chicago. David is my first cousin and we grew quite close when I was in undergrad and he was in law school nearby. Maybe I took advantage of him because he was my escape when my roommates made me nuts? I dunno. I'm very fond of him. He has a wife and two daughters, roughly the same age as our own. His eldest daughter does classes at The Second City. If you do not know what that is, look it up fast and get yourself to Chicago pronto. David, my brother and my father have the same sense of humor. My abs are still sore from all that laughter.

Michael and Riley Mailman visited from LA. Yes, Mailman is really their last name. Spring Break = college tours. Michael and Dave met freshman year in the dorms. We warned Riley that the people you meet in college really do become your life-long friends. I look at Michael and see a 21-year-old.

There is still skiable snow at Tahoe and it irks me that I do not have time to get up there to enjoy it. I'm perhaps the only person in the Bay still doing a rain dance.

My client work is frenetic. And then my husband bought another publishing company, which I would like to participate in more than just listening to him talk about it for 30 seconds before I fall into my coma at night.

The rabbi at our synagogue (also known as The Cousin) is departing. I did not expect to take this as hard as I have. While he may no longer be the right rabbi for the larger part of our congregation, he was for us and now we've got some serious thinking to do about our affiliation. It's one more moving piece. All would be right in the world if his next job was at the synagogue two 'burbs north. But think that the rabbi there still has a few years in him. Oy!

I'm looking forward to the weekend, and to celebrating a family friend's Bat Mitzvah. I'll also be checking out that synagogue for future membership in a clandestine sort of way.