And more luau.

There were three hours between the end of the Kiddush and the party set up. The most significant thing that happened during that time was that Thing 2 chopped 12 inches off of her hair. She went back to her signature bob and harmony was restored to our home! Long hair is beautiful if you have the patience to take care of it. She did not. She looks like herself again and she is so happy to not have all that maintenance! As are we.

Now on to the luau. Although the fabulous Jenna was running the show, it still took a small army to pull it all together. Thank you Singers, Dave Harap, Bentleys, Willmarths, Wycoffs and The G/dfather. It takes time to pin grass skirts on table cloths, string lights and lanterns in trees and on poles, arrange rental lounge furniture, instruct the caterer, DJ, photo booth people, balloon lady, and set up tables for gifts and sign in boards plus two bars. (About that adult bar: I conveniently forgot that our little town only lets you serve beer and wine in its venues. We may have forfeited our security deposit over my interpretation of this rule when we served mai tai's but I won't know for another few weeks.)

The big takeaway from this luau was that the kids had a blast. Their smiling faces and moving bodies dancing will stay with me. Most of the kids had never been to a celebration such as this and the DJ and crew did their job of keeping the kids busy and happy. A few of Thing 1's dance friends are Jewish and they showed the new-to-this-scene-kids how it was done.

One of the dance team friends, a few years younger than Thing 1, came up to both me and Dave individually as she left and told us that it was the best party she'd ever been to. It was the sweetest thing.

Dave and I have a fairly diverse group of friends and the kids and adults just mixed and mingled. Melissa, the super-sweet new wife of one of Dave's childhood friends, came in from Dallas and explained her daughter's easy entry by saying, "This one has never met a stranger." How fabulous is that?!

In addition to dancing, the DJ did:

• Some sort of game involving stuffing children in large t-shirts with balloons
• Limbo
• Hula hoop contest
• Volleyball
• Macarena
• Dances involving hats, sunglasses, glo-sticks, flashing rings, floral leis and blow up microphones, guitars and saxophones
• YMCA and
• Who knows what else. I didn't see it all.

Denon and Doyle provided the entertainment, which is four people: the DJ, the emcee and two party motivators. The party motivators make sure everyone is up and participating, and they also hand out those sunglasses, glo-sticks and air guitars. These people deliver a high-quality product. As Dave likes to say, as soon as you pick your Mitzvah date you call Denon and Doyle to see if they're available. If they're not, you change your date.

We did a candle lighting where The Pinks thanked special groups of friends and family by reading a poem. Pictured here are Thing 2's lacrosse friends after they lit their candles.

There was the slide show, previously mentioned. At the end of the slide show I said a few words about The Pinks and told them how proud we were of their accomplishments. I reminded them of their continued responsibility to Judaism and to tikkun olam, making the world a better place.

We are a family of strong women. My mother and mother-in-law have long devoted themselves to volunteer causes. One of my grandmothers was a journalist, the other a force to be reckoned with in Memphis' Jewish community. Dave's grandmother owned and ran a women's dress shop in Napa for 52 years, back during the years that women just didn't do that. After Dave's grandmother passed away my mother-in-law had a few of her mink coats turned into teddy bears by a New York furrier. Each of her great grand-daughters received one at their Bat Mitzvah.

Dave spoke to the legacy of women in our family and The Pinks received theirs that night. (Sidebar: Thirteen years ago, when Dave and I found out we were having twins, he called his mother and said, "Mom, we are one teddy bear short." She didn't miss a beat and said, "You're having twins?! That's wonderful, David." And so another fur coat was shipped to New York and a fifth teddy bear was born.)


It was hard not to think about Dave's grandma Ruth that night because The Pinks spent a lot of time with her prior to her passing. She lived in an assisted care community near our first house in Danville and we visited her 3-4 times a week. We'd go over there and The Pinks would ride their scooters around the unit, play their toy musical instruments, and sing and dance. Not only did Ruth love it, the other residents did, too. The more chaos the better. It was a great diversion for everyone. (Confession: Visiting Ruth kept ME sane. It is HARD parenting twin toddlers and I loved every moment we spent with Ruth because I could relax.) I still think that Dave's father moving his mother near us was the greatest gift ever.

The picture above at right is Thing 2 with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. I love how Sara Singer, who always is wearing the exact right thing, was captured in it, too. Sara -- you must take me shopping.

The caterer was a risk. I let go, though, and truly trusted Jenna. She'd heard they were good although she'd never seen them in action. (Like the Jewish community, the Mormon community is tight. They might be in the same ward.) I put it out of my mind and figured I'd just double the alcohol if the food turned out to be bad. It wasn't. It got raves. We also had Hawaiian Shave Ice for dessert and the kids sang its praises although I didn't see it apart from the set up. Thanks Bentley cousins for the idea! They did it 18 months earlier in Santa Clarita. Heck, the little people share everything in our family. Jen -- have you figured out what we lifted from your suitcase yet?! Better install some locks on your closet door before we visit in March.

The last picture here is of my brother, his wife and my niecelets, and his in-laws. We spend a lot of time with Cathy and Steve at Tahoe, where they live full-time, and were glad they joined in the full weekend of festivities with us. They truly are family.

The Luau

Much to my surprise, the gemelli agreed on a theme for their post-B'Not Mitzvah celebratory party: luau. One has the tendency to dress up while the other prefers to dress down. This worked for both and it also gave the guests a choice, too.

How hard could it be to outfit the four females in our family for this party? It was more challenging than you'd think. By contrast, Eldest Daughter and I had it easy. She found her dress in London, in the most beautiful Anthropologie I have ever seen. I bought mine at a boutique in Paris. Eldest Daughter's dress is so stunning that I'm going to lose 20 lbs and wear it to something. Dead serious.

Thing 1 is just picky and we easily bought and returned a half dozen dresses before she found "the one." I finally talked Thing 2 into wearing an Athleta dress of bathing suit material, very comfortable and casual. Then, at the last minute as we were dashing out to the party she decided to throw on a little dress she picked out on Catalina Island and I was so worn down by that point I just gave in even though it was strapless and I feared it would fall down. It didn't. (She apparently takes after Dave's side of the family.) It looked adorable and no one would ever know that it wasn't the original plan.

The party was held at the Danville Community Center adjacent to the library. This gave us both indoor and outdoor space. I wanted the adults to have some space away from the kids and also for the adult bar and kid bar to be at separate ends of the venue. 

We strung globe lights across the patio and added large Chinese lanterns. In the trees surrounding the patio we added twinkle Christmas lights and hung teeny tiny Chinese lantern on those, too. The tables had coverings in bright pink, orange, purple and red, and each was skirted with grass. Double orchids (we have twins) were in bamboo vases on each table.

Guests entered through an aisle bordered by 10' tall balloon palm trees and tiki torches. Passed h'ors d'oeuvres were Hawaiian meatballs and stuffed mushrooms for the adults, yellow M&Ms and gummy fish for the kids.

Adults had the option of mai tai's, Hawaiian beer, sodas, water or wine. Under 21s were offered Baja Blast, lemonade or water served from plastic pineapple and coconut cups.

The kids had their own luau lounge with couches and chairs. Over the summer Eldest Daughter made Hawaiian print throw pillows for them. There was also a photo booth, which you've already seen some fun pictures from.

Thing 1 made her grand entrance on a beach-towel-draped Cleopatra carrier. Thing 2 arrived standing on a surfboard. The DJ later told me that he'd never actually seen anyone stand on the surfboard before for an entrance. What a surprise -- my fearless kid was the first.

From there we launched into the Hora and the family going up on chairs individually. Something I love about the picture of Thing 1 at left is that one of our late additions is right in there helping. Our neighbors mentioned that they could only stay at the party a bit because their adult children and grandchildren were visiting for the weekend. As it turns out, we're friendly with their adult kids so I suggested they just bring them along. And they did!

The picture above of my mother-in-law and the gemelli dancing is spectacular, not just because of the look on Linda's face but because the photographer also captured my sister-in-law and Aunt Janice, my mother-in-law's sister, in it too.

September 6, 2014

This was Thing 1 and Thing 2's big day, the day they celebrated their entry into Jewish adulthood. We did the service at our house, in our backyard looking out at the golden foothills of Mt. Diablo.

On Friday came the deliveries: the 225 chairs, the risers, the chafing dishes, the sweets. It was surprisingly easy to fit all of those chairs in our yard. We'd planned to seat overflow in the family room, looking out to the yard, and also in our upstairs bedroom, overlooking the yard. The upstairs seating didn't end up being necessary but a few people did sit inside, presumably to get of of the direct sun. Fifty people were easily seated under the shade of the pavilion.

A few weeks earlier we'd had 200 people in the yard for a BBQ for local incoming San Diego State freshmen so we knew the space would work out fine. The weather, I wasn't so sure of until a few days prior when we saw that the forecast was for sunny skies and warm temps but not super hot temps. We were prepared for the sun with bottled water and sunscreen available to people as they entered and throughout the service. If it were a few degrees warmer, out would have come the soccer canopies!

I loved having this simcha at home and would recommend it. I created custom siddurs (prayer books) online then printed them out. This gave us the flexibility to include the songs and readings that were meaningful to us. The service was on the shorter side, perhaps 75 or 90 minutes, which was comfortable. We were able to video tape the service because it wasn't in a synagogue. Two guitars played by one rabbi and one rabbi's son provided beautiful music. Rabbi Rick encouraged people to get up and move around if they needed to get out of the sun or get water. That's another thing you can't easily do if you're in a synagogue.

The women in our family all wore white, which is traditional on shabbat. Shabbat is referred to as the Sabbath Bride.

My parents got Things 1 and 2 each a tallis, which they picked out on a shopping trip with my mom. You can see these prayer shawls in the pictures. Only Jewish adults can wear them.

Thing 1's d'var Torah (speech) was very funny because her section of the Torah portion included the laws around prostitution, which she didn't want to talk about. Nor did she want to talk about the conditions under which a man whose twig or berries are injured can enter a house of worship.  In case you're wondering, the answer is never. In the end and after some awkward moments and terse discussion, she decided to talk about the necessity of rules and how her portion was about things that, if made into a movie, she would not even be old enough to see it.

Thing 2's d'var Torah was about rules, too, and she let everyone know how ironic it was that her portion was about rules since she isn't very good at following them. The picture below at right is of Thing 2 reading from the Torah itself.

At the end of the service Eldest Daughter surprised her sisters with a pelting of wrapped candies thrown by the handful from the fists of guests with pent up energy from sitting still through the service. Thing 1 screamed and crawled under the bimah to get out of the line of fire. Then the little kids hopped up and gathered up all the candy to eat, pinata-style. The candy represents the sweetness of the occasion.

Rabbi Rick does the hamotzi in a way that everyone connects to each other -- physically. A few people hold the 4 foot long challah and then everyone touches a part of another person until everyone is attached. Then he leads the blessing and the challah gets ripped apart from every angle. Some families cut the challah into nice neat slices. We are a family of rippers and tearers. (In my opinion, the only reason to slice challah is if you are making French Challah for breakfast.) This particular challah had sprinkles on it, something that Dave feels strongly about. The blessing over the wine used wine we saved from Eldest Daughter's Bat Mitzvah four years earlier. Those of you who attended her Bat Mitzvah might remember that we used wine from our wedding for that.

A few of Thing 1's dance teammates are Jewish and it was neat to see them explaining the traditions to those not in the know. One of Thing 2's secular friends sat right up front so she could catch every last word. One Jewish adult friend, who should have known better, chatted with the person next to him throughout the service. Another napped. People brought young children who were not invited. The young children squirmed, as was age-appropriate. All but one of the great aunts and uncles came. My mom's siblings were in town for a full week so we were fortunate enough to spend additional time with them.

Immediately following the service we had a kiddush, which is light snacks. We served some of our favorite foods, including bagels, lox and cream cheese, strawberries, watermelon, chicken salad sandwiches, Claire's lemon cupcakes, my mother's three-layer brownies and my mother-in-law's fudge, almost none of which we got to eat because we were socializing and just being proud. People hung out for about an hour, the tween set popping picture after picture of themselves all dolled up.

At one point the little kids hopped in the neighbor's golf cart and attempted to drive down the street. Fortunately the rabbi's son, who is 16 and licensed, clued into this joy-ride-to-be and gave the littles a short ride to placate them.

Here's one especially good picture of the tweens.  Look how gorgeous this group is! That morning I'd asked Thing 2 to put on shoes. Apparently she went into my closet and took a pair of mine that matched her dress. I'm loving that we wear the same size shoes these days. One clever mom popped a similar picture and then turned it into a card prior to the party. Best card ever!

Things are finally getting back to normal around here. 

Magbooth gave me access to the digital files. These are some of my favorites. I thought they did an excellent job. I had to ask The Pinks who was who in some of the pictures as that's how much some of their friends had grown over the summer. Dressed up, the girls who have hit their growth spurts look like elder teens. The boys, not so much yet. If your child mentioned that they were in some pictures and you want the files, ping me and I'll send you the link and password.

I've cleared off my dining room table by returning all the platters and plates, and put away the extra cellophane bags we used for the out of town hospitality bags. I easily have 50 left and that will benefit some NCL philanthropies if I ever feel like baking again!

Back to Target went the extra globe lights and candles. Back in boxes went those grass table skirts. Back to the neighbors went the twinkly Christmas lights. Back to Jenna, event planner extraordinaire, went the crock pot that was hiding when she came over to retrieve it earlier in the week. Back to the shelving in the garage went the extra water bottles, now all dressed up in colorful luau labels. Back to my brother went two extension cords. Back to Magbooth went that mustache on a stick pictured here, the one that somehow came home in the box of paper lanterns.

A week post B'Not Mitzvah

It's Friday at noon and I'm still in my pajamas. I've been on conference calls since 8am with the exception of a quick run to school to retrieve a sick child. I think she's still exhausted from last weekend and so I'm having her write one thank you note an hour so the day is not a complete boondoggle. BTW, this child has the worst penmanship ever. I just hope the thank you notes actually reach their destinations. Incidentally, she wants you to know that the best gift she got was a potato gun. Yes, really, a toy gun that shoots potato pellets. It's occupied her for hours and irritates her sisters. I love that one of her friends knows her so well.

So the B'Not Mitzvah was over in about 30 seconds. Or so it seemed. Four years of Hebrew and Religious School, six months of intense prep and three days elapsed in what seemed like the blink of an eye. The pictures in this post show some of the things I'm doing - laundering tablecloths, deciding what to do with the few orchid centerpieces that remain, returning things that arrived too late to use. These fish ring pops are adorable. So were the Jack Rogers shoes that arrived today!

We are the proud owners of 20 round and rectangular tablecloths in assorted bright colors if you'd like to borrow them. Ditto 30 8' long grass table skirts and about a hundred plastic pineapple and coconut cups. Luaus R Us.

The Rabbi Cousin was able to help us achieve the exact service we envisioned. Personal. With lots of music. Set against the golden grasses covering the Mt. Diablo State Park foothills. Sunny. Less formal than a synagogue setting. Happy and funny. I would highly recommend this approach for unaffiliated MOTs.* We borrowed a Torah from the San Francisco Jewish Community Center's lending library. It was pretty interesting (and nerve-wracking!) to have such a sacred religious object here for a week and we took the opportunity to take a very close look at it, too.

There are some pictures that people posted on Facebook and I will provide more details when I get better pictures back. I made a point to put away my iPhone last weekend and leave the photography to the people with real cameras.

One of the things that won't appear in the photos is the laughter I heard when people were watching the slide show. I liked seeing which pictures got a reaction.

Dave and I are so proud of our gemelli. They did a beautiful job and remained themselves all weekend long.

*MOTs = members of the tribe

The Slide Show

Eldest Daughter was going to do this for the B'Not Mitzvah. But then I started playing with iPhoto and got so far along that I decided to just do it myself.

A zillion hours later later I've learned that there's a reason people do this for a living. I'm not one of those people.

Here are some observations:

1. We've dragged the kids to a lot of places. Things 1 and 2 have been to Europe four times. Eldest Daughter has been there seven.

2. Ice cream is a big part of our vacationing. Every day, sometimes twice.

3. One set of friends appears most often in photos. And they have never been to Europe with us! Nor did we see them at all this summer. Boo hoo.

4. I am most often behind the camera. After pictures of the kids, architectural details are my second most-photographed item.

5. Thing 2 has a mega-watt smile that she flashes during thrill-seeking activities.

6. Thing 1 can sleep anywhere. Anytime.

This picture is an oldie but goodie that did not make the slide show. We're in our happy place.

Do me a favor, please. After you see my masterpiece, tell me how fabulous it is. Maybe even twice. Eldest Daughter would be driving a baby blue convertible Beetle if I was paid my consulting rate for all the time I've put in to this ...

T minus two weeks

Two weeks from today the B'Not Mitzvah will be behind us. Right about now we'll be sitting on our family room sofa, exhausted and proud.

I spent part of today running errands. I hate running errands so it seemed appropriate to do on the saddest day of summer, the day before school begins. I ordered mini bagels from Noah's and coffee cake from Millie's. My father helped me cut some bamboo I need for a project. I also picked up some prints from my parents house. My father is a whiz with Photoshop.

A few people have texted and emailed me with questions about the B'Not Mitzvah and so I'm going to take this opportunity to answer them in a public forum in case others have the same questions.

1. We just come to the party, right? It's like a Mormon wedding? No. You have been invited to the service and the evening celebration. The 90-minute morning service is the main event. Some people will come to the service and not the party. They have been kind enough to note that on their RSVP. Very few will just come to the party as the service is the important part.

2. Can I bring a date / my very young child / my college roommate and her husband, who are visiting for the weekend? No. Trust us on this one. Your date, very young child and house guests will be bored silly because they do not know the celebrants. We gave a lot of thought to the guest list and if your name appeared on the big green envelope that showed up in your mailbox then you are special to us and we hope you will be able to come.

3. You have invited our whole family. Josh has a soccer game and Kevin coaches the team. Can the rest of us still come? Of course. We understand that people have other commitments and that choices have to be made. We hope you will come without them.

4. You haven't invited our whole family. Can the rest of us come? Refer to question #2.

5. Do you mind me asking who else on the lacrosse / dance / soccer team was invited so we can carpool? Not at all. Call or text me.

6. What do we wear? A dress or nice pants are appropriate for the service. It's the same kind of clothing you would wear to church. I would avoid spiked heels for the service as you may be seated on the lawn. I'd also apply sunscreen in case you sit in the sun. Luau wear is appropriate for the party. Eldest Daughter is wearing a dress she bought in London. Thing 2 is wearing an equally fabulous dress, one that's fairly casual.

7. Where do we park? There are signs on your street that say No Parking. Ignore them and park on the street. I doubt the neighbors will complain because most of them will be there with us. And if they do, they'll complain to the HOA Board. You have one guess who's president of it this year.

8. Can I help? Yes, I'd love help. Please call or text me.

9. Are you guys all ready for this? No. Refer to question 8.

10. Will there be drinking at the luau? Yes, adults will have the opportunity to have adult beverages at the luau. There are separate bars for kids and adults. We are not planning to serve your child alcohol. However, we're not going to be watching Johnny Jr. to see if he is picking up wine glasses that adults have set down and finishing them off.

11. What time should we get there? What time will the service end? The service will start promptly at 10:30am. What time you arrive depends on how far away you want to park and if you want seats in the nosebleed section. There will be a Kiddush lunch after the service. It's not a lunch, though, it's a light snack. If you are dropping off or carpooling, 12:45pm is a safe time to pick up.

12. Can we post pictures to Instagram or Facebook? Yes. Please help us out by tagging them #twopinksbigday. We would love to see the pictures you shot this day. Thank you.

In other news, Rabbi Rick was over a few week ago and we finalized many of the details. It was a very sweet evening. One of his sons, who is Eldest Daughter's age, brought his guitar and played all the melodies we have our choice of for the prayers and songs. The cantor that the Rabbi, Dave and I grew up with created many beautiful melodies and we will incorporate many of those in the service.

I've been recipe testing, something I didn't give much thought to until we started publishing cookbooks. You can look forward to some good food; this is a Jewish event after all. I made this incredible pesto tonight from basil I picked in my mom's garden six hours earlier. Keep that basil coming, mom!

We are excited to have friends and family coming from near and far to celebrate with us. It's going to be a crazy weekend in the happiest of ways. Dave and I have a tendency to be inclusive so over the years many of our friends have become friends. It's going to be a friendly crowd.

It's also a good thing that we have Labor Day weekend between now and then. Some people, who shall remain nameless, still have a few prayers to polish ...

Fondling the Flowers

An early morning run to the San Francisco Flower Market with Jill and one of the Pinks. The summer solstice is only three weeks past so the sun is up by the time we arrive. We are the only ones still wiping sleep from our eyes. The vendors have been there for hours and the florists are long gone.

I come home with ribbon, bamboo in many forms, vases, cellophane bags and five varieties of cut flowers I don't need but can't resist.

On Tuesday I bring orange tulips to my client to celebrate her recent promotion. She gets all goopy on me.

My purchases join the tablecloths, paper goods and bottled water in our dining room, for the next two months the B'Not Mitzvah staging area.

Are you Smitten?

We tried Smitten on Friday, the first day of summer vacation. Smitten is artisanal ice cream, until recently found only in the city. Each serving is made on demand using liquid nitrogen. It tasted fine but was nothing special. Berthillon is still my favorite. And locally, I really like the obscenity which is Fenton's.

Remind me to take time off work next June. And to not sign up for any volunteer activities. The weekend before school was out Thing 1 and I volunteered at both a Habitat for Humanity community opening and a Special Olympics fundraiser. The year-end academic and recreational activities of three children is a lot to juggle.

Speaking of three children, those of you with older children forgot to mention how fabulous it is when one of those children gets their driver's license. Many of the fears I had of my innocent child getting behind the wheel of a car were greatly reduced when I realized how helpful she could be, not only chauffeuring herself to and from her appointments but running our errands and picking up a sister on occasion!

Preparations continue for the B'Not Mitzvah. Thing 1 and I had coffee with the fabulous Harry Glazier yesterday. Harry is going to photograph the ceremony and festivities for us. I'm excited to work with emerging talent and look forward to his fresh point of view.

The invitations are still in various stages of assembly on the dining room table. The Hebrew intensive begins tomorrow. Panic is beginning to set in as the kids vocalize who they want to invite, based on who they were in or out with during the latter part of the school year. I hate this part. Even my father brought it up while we were riding his horses today.

Repetitive Tasks

It's interesting the things you do differently on the second go round of a life cycle event. 

Eldest Daughter spent a lot of time looking for the perfect dress to wear on her Bat Mitzvah. Thing 2 liked the second dress she tried on. We went through many iterations of the guest list for Eldest Daughter. This time it's much easier and frankly, we're a lot more decisive.

We're a lot more lax on learning the material this time around, maybe because the Youngest Pinks have the whole summer? They also want a celebratory party where the guests can dress informally, and we're good with that.

Eldest Daughter had beautiful, custom invitations. This time I ordered something from Etsy and we're DIY. That's where we are today, the mindless creation and assembly of the invites. There is something peaceful, something zen about a simple, repetitive task.

Breaking up is hard to do.

The youngest Pinks' B'Not Mitzvah is in September. A B'Not Mitzvah is a Bat Mitzvah for two young women.

We've recently parted ways with our temple, the only one Dave and I have ever belonged to together, the only one our children have ever affiliated with. This saddens me but it's like many other breakups where one person changes and it's no longer a fit for the remaining person. In this case, our temple of 12 years got a new rabbi and we dislike his leadership style. It's not a decision we took lightly.

However, this departure provides us with an opportunity to have this B'Not Mitzvah in a highly personal way, one that really suits our family.

We'll do the service in our backyard, looking out to the hills. (Consider the trek across the grass, friends, when you choose your shoes. Save your Prada for the party.) We're really excited and have engaged another rabbi, someone we have known since childhood and just adore, to work with the Pinks and officiate. It will be musical and enable us to celebrate this milestone in a way that is meaningful to us.

It is hugely different planning a multi-day event with six months' notice than it is with two years' notice. Some things are easier. For example, the DJ was a no brainer. Some things are harder. Our first choice caterer and photographer are both committed to weddings that day. Fortunately there are no shortage of opinions in our clan, many based on our experience four years ago with Eldest Daughter. I have engaged the fabulous Jenna, who will help us with all of the bits and pieces and is my reality check and sounding board, especially the day of the service and party. This will free me up to enjoy all of you!

Click here to refresh yourself on Mitzvah FAQ.

The picture above was taken when Thing 1, Thing 2 and I went shopping for dresses to wear during the ceremony. Thing 2 hates shopping and wanted the second dress she tried on, a huge victory in my book!

Stay tuned.